We have heard it all before when trying to make sense of the human mind, and yet the eternal struggle between self-esteem and ego is probably at the core of all that confusion. Do you feel confident and secure or do you feel vulnerable and unsure? Do you believe in yourself and what you have to offer or do you doubt your own capabilities? These are tough questions but the answers really do lie within you. It is up to you to discover and determine what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are so that you can begin to build a solid foundation upon which you can build your self-esteem.
To start with I would like to assure you that your ego does not actually ‘rule’ your life. There are indeed many instances where this has been my experience. For example, I once had a boss who constantly told me that I was a troublemaker and a ‘self-involved nit-picker.’ I took it to heart each time he spoke those words because I felt that he had some anger and resentment built up based on past missteps that he was intent on clearing up.
However, one afternoon I was just sitting in reflection looking at myself in the mirror when suddenly I realized that my ego had nothing to do with all this. Indeed, it didn’t even have anything to do with my performance in any way. The fact that I had been able to successfully reach and maintain my current position in my job without having to rely upon anyone else to do it, convinced me that my inflated self-esteem was nothing more than an idea. Thus, I removed myself from the ego-centric frame of mind and began to observe things objectively.
I soon came to the realization that everybody needs help from somebody or something. We each have a certain inner calling and we all have a unique opportunity to fulfill that calling when we are willing to put forth the effort. So when you speak to a person, don’t consider it a privilege to “decide” who they are based upon your own “model of success.” Rather, view it as a responsibility to fulfill the greatest desire of a person.
Instead of trying to convince yourself that you are “special” and that you deserve more, consider instead that everybody deserves a little bit of success, no matter what their background. If you feel bad about not achieving your goals, consider the fact that many others will be affected by your failure. That’s why you should do whatever you can to help yourself. If your self-esteem vs. ego is based on the belief that I’m better than you or that I’m better able to achieve more than you, then you won’t feel much anxiety when you don’t meet your goals.
Instead of being consumed by the fear of not making enough money, why not get a hobby? Why not pursue your passions? Many times doing what you love and what you are passionate about will give you the sense of purpose that you need in order to feel successful. It doesn’t even matter whether you are a “good” writer painter, dancer or whatever else. There is always something that you love to do and there is always a way to make it a “profitable” hobby.
It is also very important for your success in life to model behaviors that are congruent with your values. If you are living according to the code of “Do what I want, not what I can have” then you will find that you are much more likely to succeed. Unfortunately, we are living in a “Do what I can” society. For most people, their actions are congruent with “Not what I want, not what I can have.” If you are one of these individuals then you are doomed to failure. How can you expect to attract the things that you want if you are giving things away?
In addition, you can always model success yourself. If you feel uncomfortable with success and what you are doing in regards to your work and personal life, then find a mentor who can help you overcome those obstacles so that you can model a success instead of failure. Never model failure because it will keep you from ever finding true success. When you know you are giving value to others and have reached success then you will have peace in your heart and a greater self-esteem.