The battle of the sexes begins with a simple question; “Is self-esteem vs. ego a good thing?” To answer this question we have to be able to look beyond the surface of the two sexes and understand their true essence. In the realm of relationships, ego and self-esteem are the twin castles that lie at the ends of the marital tracks. These two important concepts are what separate men from women and what sets each apart from the other. For, in the end, it is always the Ego or Self which rises above the Self.
Ego is a concept that originates from the natural order of things. When the “I” stands for God, and when there is an order to things, ego gets its start as an attempt to fill this space with one’s own idea. This concept then becomes the driving force towards what is considered the acceptable order of things – which then becomes the society which exists. It becomes the standard against which the man’s life is measured. And thus it determines his value – his worth.
What is interesting about the ego is that while it tries to emulate God, it does not believe in Him. Thus it tries to make itself a part of the divine equation by trying to place itself at the center of the universe. While this may be appealing to the ego, in reality it is a fatal trap to the man who believes himself to be better than God.
The self-esteem of a man must therefore come from within – it cannot be built or imposed. It must come from within the man himself through a process that is built on his own intelligence, spirit and character. It is this concept that allows the man to take the ego out of the equation and allow himself to be totally free to choose, act and flourish without the egotism which goes along with such notions.
Let us take the concept of self-esteem as it relates to a certain set of values which are essential to a person’s being and which determine everything else. One such set of values is the value of truth. Now this word is very commonly used and we all agree on the fact that truth is good. And what is truth anyway – a subjective quality? If truth is subjective then it must be an individual idea and therefore it cannot be mass-produced like other concepts are.
So then, how can one measure self-esteem? The man who looks beyond himself and who seeks truth will always have more self-esteem than those who look to only their own benefits and who are egotistical to an unnatural level. This is because the man who understands that he is important will also have the self-esteem to protect him and give him the strength and courage to pursue that goal – to make him stand above the herd and be the creator of his own fortune and identity. And this is where the danger lies for those who are egotistical and believe that they know the true way and the only path to success. For it is only when a man has fully grasped the concept that there is more than human potential and that a measure of intelligence can compensate for almost anything – will he understand that he must allow his mind, body and soul to be the architects and creators of his future.
The other concept that must be examined here is that of self-confidence. Here too it is a subjective concept and is influenced by both personal and social experiences. Those who have a positive and healthy self-image in their minds will almost instinctively be more confident than those who have negative images. Those who are more self-confident will naturally also be more successful.
But there is another point to remember here and that is that those who are happy with themselves will tend to attract others to them who are also happy with themselves. The egotistical man will always find himself surrounded by people who are envious of him and who are envious of his achievements. He will never have enough room for another ego because he knows that any time he stops attracting attention, his self-esteem goes down. It is only in balance, that there can be success in life.